My Favorite Sport is at Risk

Today, October 1st, the National Do Not Call list goes into efffect. Damn. My favorite sport is at risk. You see, I like it when my caller ID says: Unavailable. My kids say, "Dad, pick it up, it's a telemarketer."

My goal, in this particular sport, is two-fold. One, to keep them one the line for a period of time, so they will not call others while engaged with me. Two, to get them to hang up.

Let me give you a few ideas to get you started.

1. Repeat everything the telemarketer says. This usually results in some general confusion, then the hang up.

2. Pretend, using some very broken English, that you don't understand the language and that you need a translator.

3. Take the counselor role. "How does it make you feel to have people hang up on you all day long?' Or "Does it bother you, deep inside, that you sell people things that they really don't need.

Some of my own experiences have been interesting.

One time I convinced the telemarketer that I had severe ADD and dyslexia and asked him to please read the information backwards - he did, while my wife, kids, and friends were listening on the muted speakerphone in the other room - rolling on the floor. After 15 minutes and two other telemarketers trying to help, the hang up came, with the promise to call back.

Another time, called by the State Police fundraisers, I placed my pinched thumb and forefinger up to my pursed lips, drew in a deep breath, and while holding my breath said, "Go ahead." Seconds later I exhaled slowly and loudly. You get the picture. "I'll call you later." Another hang up.

My hero is Tom Mabe. He has made a profession out of harassing telemarketers. Get the CD's if you like this stuff. He checked into a Washington D.C. hotel, where there was a Telemarketing convention, waited until 3 AM and started dialing room. This is great stuff.

Told you it was fun.

Anyway, there's the phone. Gotta go...

WH