I Just Love Hospitals

I just love hospitals.

Arrived this morning for the installation of Jen’s PIC line. The hospital was excellent, actually. It was the Dr.’s office that hadn’t faxed over the prescription for the procedure. We waited…

Hospital bathrooms are nasty. I had to lift the toilet seat with the tip of my toe to take a piss. When I did that I see the pee that the previous person left ON the seat run down the underside of the rim onto the cold porcelain. Yummy!

Next we go to the radiology department and I stand by and watch as they put an IV in Jen’s arm in order to put the PIC line in…say what! Yes, you heard that right. Start a line to start a line somewhere else. She cries. Not big tears and sobs. Just the “wet the corners that need a dab” cry. “You’d think that I would be used to needles by now, “ she says. The nurse says that if she were used to needles she would worry about Jen.

Then they call her name (after finally getting the fax for the order from the Dr. – we’ll have a “little chat” about that later when we get to the Dr’s office) and, as we stand to go down the hall, the nurse points the opposite direction from where they are taking my wife, and tells me to have a seat in the waiting room, she’ll come get me when they are done.

I just love hospitals.

In the waiting room are the same people that come with all hospitals when they are constructed. The people are part of the furnishings. The bratty kid that crawls over and under the furniture while the parent makes empty threats. The SNORNING lady who’s “grunt snore” actually drowns out the TVs, the intercom, and the voices of the nurses calling to people waiting to be stuck so they can be stuck. The snoring drowns out everyone except the cell phone user who is SO obnoxious that people actually move closer to the snoring lady. She just turned it up a notch – thanks Emeril.

I just love hospitals.

Also in the waiting room are too many TVs, all trying to get attention from the people sitting in the uncomfortable vinyl seats trying to get away form the snoring lady. On one TV we have Maury doing a Montel. DNA testing to see the paternity of an adult for some confused child/adult or a wife trying to see if the affair she had actually spawned the latest child or was the real father her husband. On the other we have CNBC with the stock market losing some ground that was gained last week. Which one fits the atmosphere better is up to you. Which set were people glued to? Buy stock in Montel and Maury.

Where is my wife?

I just fucking hate hospitals.

WH