I was browsing through my favorite bloggers and read the November 22nd post by Le Prêtre Noir. It is a an editorial from a conserative New York Times writer. Interesting perspective. I'm sure that it scares the Far Right to death but many things do.
The truth is that gay marriage cannot be blamed for the erosion of heterosexual marriage. We hetero's have done that all by ourselves.
One of the things that I am glad about regarding the whole dialog on gay marriage is that people are actually applying rational and relational thought to the issue and not just charged emotions.
WH
11.17.2003
Protect Our Communities
One of the somber lessons that I have learned in years of living in church community is that there are people who do not have the best interests of God's Kingdom in mind. Many times we find ourselves building "a kingdom" instead of "The Kingdom". Motives are polluted with selfish desire, self advancement, or recognition hunger.
This is not, however, the worst problem we face. The worst is the predators. Those who know that there are weak and vulnerable people in communities. Those who gravitate to those communities knowing that if they would just use a few key terms, "insider" lingo, spiritual terms that are "passwords" into the fold, they can worm into the position of power and take advantage - causing havoc and pain in the lives of those who are most in need of healing and hope.
Why is this so? Why do people find a place to operate in abusive ways when the community of God should be a place where the weak are safe? The main reason is that we have been, for way too long, too trusting of those who pass a litmus test of "faith" that is too shallow and easily faked. As I mentioned above, people who name drop God, or the latest worship phase, or best seller, or pet theological view become accepted.
It's a well known fact that one of the easiest place to find vulnerable women is church. In some churches anyone who answers the call to work with the nursery, children, or teens can do so without any reservation. That's suicide. I cannot tell you how many people I have spoken to over the years who have been used, abused, violated, and fractured in communities of faith by those who they trusted. Read the papers.
It almost happened this week in our church. This guy showed up - day one in our community. Dropped some phrases, a well placed "hey brother" and went out to eat with a group afterwards. Next thing you know he's trying to give his phone number to one of the single women of the church - all because he, in his words, "is a kind hearted person and she looked a little down." She's VERY uncomfortable and gets a bad feeling about the whole exchange. Oh, he's married, and did I mention that this was his first time EVER in our community. Who was he kidding. Rat bastard.
Later that week he just decides to show up at the small group that this same girl attends. God works in mysterious ways, huh? There it is - he's a predator. You see, here is where we have blown it in the past. "Let the guy stay." "Doesn't God love everybody?" "Maybe we can help him." Now way! Not at the expense of this young lady.
He was confronted before he even gets in the door. He was asked not to say anything to her. He was told that we did not put with that type of behavior. He was told that although his motives couldn't be questioned, his wisdom could be. How do you think that he responded? He got defensive, tried to use the Bible to show that he was being judged and disappeared back to whatever place that he came from. Bu-bye.
Maybe it's just that we are not "equipped" to handle people like this. Maybe we aren't yet mature enough as a church. Or maybe we should stop being dumb asses and protect those in our communities who are being targeted.
Tell you what. If you think that this is harsh, send me your church's address and the next predator that shows up at our door I'll send your way.
WH
This is not, however, the worst problem we face. The worst is the predators. Those who know that there are weak and vulnerable people in communities. Those who gravitate to those communities knowing that if they would just use a few key terms, "insider" lingo, spiritual terms that are "passwords" into the fold, they can worm into the position of power and take advantage - causing havoc and pain in the lives of those who are most in need of healing and hope.
Why is this so? Why do people find a place to operate in abusive ways when the community of God should be a place where the weak are safe? The main reason is that we have been, for way too long, too trusting of those who pass a litmus test of "faith" that is too shallow and easily faked. As I mentioned above, people who name drop God, or the latest worship phase, or best seller, or pet theological view become accepted.
It's a well known fact that one of the easiest place to find vulnerable women is church. In some churches anyone who answers the call to work with the nursery, children, or teens can do so without any reservation. That's suicide. I cannot tell you how many people I have spoken to over the years who have been used, abused, violated, and fractured in communities of faith by those who they trusted. Read the papers.
It almost happened this week in our church. This guy showed up - day one in our community. Dropped some phrases, a well placed "hey brother" and went out to eat with a group afterwards. Next thing you know he's trying to give his phone number to one of the single women of the church - all because he, in his words, "is a kind hearted person and she looked a little down." She's VERY uncomfortable and gets a bad feeling about the whole exchange. Oh, he's married, and did I mention that this was his first time EVER in our community. Who was he kidding. Rat bastard.
Later that week he just decides to show up at the small group that this same girl attends. God works in mysterious ways, huh? There it is - he's a predator. You see, here is where we have blown it in the past. "Let the guy stay." "Doesn't God love everybody?" "Maybe we can help him." Now way! Not at the expense of this young lady.
He was confronted before he even gets in the door. He was asked not to say anything to her. He was told that we did not put with that type of behavior. He was told that although his motives couldn't be questioned, his wisdom could be. How do you think that he responded? He got defensive, tried to use the Bible to show that he was being judged and disappeared back to whatever place that he came from. Bu-bye.
Maybe it's just that we are not "equipped" to handle people like this. Maybe we aren't yet mature enough as a church. Or maybe we should stop being dumb asses and protect those in our communities who are being targeted.
Tell you what. If you think that this is harsh, send me your church's address and the next predator that shows up at our door I'll send your way.
WH
11.13.2003
It is a cold day in hell...
Read the story and find out what amazing, earth-shattering, news rocked the campus of a mid-west college - - Breaking news!!
WH
WH
11.05.2003
The Etch A Sketch Years
I am the parent of two teenagers. One is a 14 year old young lady. The other a 17 year old young man. This particular entry has to do with the elder child.
I know that I have spoken to him about relatively easy things to remember. Things that require some, but not much, thought. Now those of you with teenagers will relate to this - Have you ever wondered what happened to the various requests that you have built into your children over the years? I mean, this is not recent stuff. It usually consists of areas and issues that have been the topic of many requests and corrections over the years.
For instance, I know that many of us, as parents, have communicated to our kids a simple request like, "Please don't leave food in your room." Now this is not just controlling parenting. This is because, at least in our part of the U.S., the deep south, we have ants. Ants happen to like easy meals and aren't easily deterred once a food source is readily available. In addition to ants, there is mold, and in the slow process of food becoming petrified, it stinks as it rots. I would think that these are fair and reasonable reasons to not allow dirty dishes and half eaten bags of snack foods in the room.
As I was relating some of these thoughts to a friend she hit upon the perfect metaphor - teens are like an etch-a-sketch. If you have ever played with or owned an etch-a-sketch, you know exactly what she is talking about. If you haven't, click on the link above and discover the wonder of this toy. The main point for this discussion, is that the etch-a-sketch, when you have a picture that you no longer want, when turned over and shaken, erases all evidence of the work that you have produced.
In a similar way at some point in a teens life, they get turned over and shaken, thereby erasing much, if not all, of the "imprint" that has been made.
"Jason, please put your glass on a coaster and not the table."
The sound of the Etch-a-sketch shaking, "Why? It's OK there."
"Hey Jas, could you not park behind Jen's car in the garage so she can get out if she needs to?"
Shuchaka-shutchka-shake - "Is she going out later?"
"Could you please clean the bathroom, specifically the toilet, since it's all yellow and nasty?"
Shuchaka-shuckaha-shake "Is anyone coming over?"
"Did you remember to get that ___________________ (fill in the blank) that I asked you for?"
Shuchaka-shutchka-shake "Huh?"
It actually makes for some great moments of disbelief, wonder, and amazement. I can only hope that some day there is some deeper imprint that resurfaces after some time of amnesia.
For now I just hear the sound, Shuchaka-shutchka-shake.
WH
I know that I have spoken to him about relatively easy things to remember. Things that require some, but not much, thought. Now those of you with teenagers will relate to this - Have you ever wondered what happened to the various requests that you have built into your children over the years? I mean, this is not recent stuff. It usually consists of areas and issues that have been the topic of many requests and corrections over the years.
For instance, I know that many of us, as parents, have communicated to our kids a simple request like, "Please don't leave food in your room." Now this is not just controlling parenting. This is because, at least in our part of the U.S., the deep south, we have ants. Ants happen to like easy meals and aren't easily deterred once a food source is readily available. In addition to ants, there is mold, and in the slow process of food becoming petrified, it stinks as it rots. I would think that these are fair and reasonable reasons to not allow dirty dishes and half eaten bags of snack foods in the room.
As I was relating some of these thoughts to a friend she hit upon the perfect metaphor - teens are like an etch-a-sketch. If you have ever played with or owned an etch-a-sketch, you know exactly what she is talking about. If you haven't, click on the link above and discover the wonder of this toy. The main point for this discussion, is that the etch-a-sketch, when you have a picture that you no longer want, when turned over and shaken, erases all evidence of the work that you have produced.
In a similar way at some point in a teens life, they get turned over and shaken, thereby erasing much, if not all, of the "imprint" that has been made.
"Jason, please put your glass on a coaster and not the table."
The sound of the Etch-a-sketch shaking, "Why? It's OK there."
"Hey Jas, could you not park behind Jen's car in the garage so she can get out if she needs to?"
Shuchaka-shutchka-shake - "Is she going out later?"
"Could you please clean the bathroom, specifically the toilet, since it's all yellow and nasty?"
Shuchaka-shuckaha-shake "Is anyone coming over?"
"Did you remember to get that ___________________ (fill in the blank) that I asked you for?"
Shuchaka-shutchka-shake "Huh?"
It actually makes for some great moments of disbelief, wonder, and amazement. I can only hope that some day there is some deeper imprint that resurfaces after some time of amnesia.
For now I just hear the sound, Shuchaka-shutchka-shake.
WH
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