It's All About The Eyes

This story comes from Henri Nouwen.

One day a young fugitive, trying to hide himself from the enemy, entered a small village. Th people were kind to him and offered him a place to stay. But when the soldiers who sought the fugitive asked where he was hiding, everyone became very fearful. The soldiers threatened to burn the village and kill every man in it unless the young man was handed over to them before dawn. The people went to the minister and asked him what to do. The minister, torn between handing the boy over to the enemy or having his people killed, withdrew to his room and read his Bible, hoping to find an answer before dawn. After many hours, in the early morning his eyes fell on these words: "It is better that one man dies that the whole people be lost."
Then the minister closed the Bible, called the soldiers and told them where the boy was hidden. And after the soldiers led the fugitive away to be killed, there was a feast in the village because the minister had saved the lives of the people. But the minister did not celebrate. Overcome with a deep sadness, he remained in his room. That night, an angel came to him, and asked, "What have you done?" The minister said, "I handed over the fugitive to the enemy." Then the angel said, "But don't you know that you have handed over the Messiah?' "How could I know?" the minister replied anxiously. Then the angel said: "If, instead of reading your Bible, you had visited this young man just once and looked into his eyes, you would have known."

Powerful stuff. Who have I handed over to the enemy, thinking that I was doing what was best, with the support of Scripture? Maybe I should spend more time looking into the eyes of others - I may find that God resides in them. I may find that I have more in common with them that I would be comfortable with. Risk is good. Life is precious.

WH

Solar Storms are Here

Here is a link to SOHO - The Solar and Heliospheric Observatory where you can see the latest pictures of the sun. Very cool. We will probably experience some disruption to our satellite TV, cell phones, and wireless technologies over the next few days.

Amazing!

WH

PS - (10/26/03) Thankfully it was a non-event. But when you go to the link, click on the "The Sun Now" in the upper left hand corner. The pictures are amazing and I saved a series of the 1024x1024 for my desktop pictures that change every 5 seconds.

Opportunities That Are Ours

One of the situations that we face in our life is the missed opportunities and chances to fulfill the destiny that it uniquely ours.

There are times that we are presented with a place of opportunity where the potential and resources converge and something great can happen. Maybe not great in that we get noticed or receive recognition for something. Nor that it is earth shattering, but great in that we find fulfillment and discover, for a moment (or longer), what we were born to do or be. This is, I believe, what gives us the greatest sense of satisfaction we can attain.

What can happen, however, is that we use the resources and opportunity for ourselves instead of the fulfillment of the destiny. The consequence is that we settle for the status quo (or less). I have discovered that the result is complaint. A whining that nothing ever goes right, our situation would have been different only if… and all manner of excuses for not fulfilling our potential.

In these moments I find myself blaming God, or whomever I find convenient at the moment to “blame shift”. “The woman you gave me made me eat.” “It was the serpent.” One of the oldest defense mechanisms in the human experience - blame.

The truth is that when we are stingy and selfish there are consequences. I believe that God has created the universe with certain principles built in, as well as His interaction with us. He, as the perfect parent, cannot let us get away with this self-centered behavior. He is stingy toward us. Not in a mean, vindictive way, but mercifully. The same way that I, as a parent, cannot let the selfishness of one of my children be rewarded.

The beautiful truth is that God is calling us back to the original task, continually and lovingly. He wants us to experience our destiny. He wants us to shape the future with Him. He delights to be surprised be us and our creativity.

To be made in God’s image – to be creative, imaginative, and live with a sense of wonder – is an amazing gift. Live it well. While there is breath in you it’s never too late.

WH

Back at The Laptop

Yeah! My iBook was delivered this afternoon. New logic board. everything is updated and ready to go. Hope to be writing more than about the laptop.

WH

Laptop Withdraw

As awful as it sounds I am amputated without my laptop of one year. Airborne picked it up today to have it serviced. As I have read the discussion groups there are people who have had as many as four logic boards replaced on thier iBooks. That would be a pain...

Anyway, locked down to a desktop isn't too bad.

WH

Wisdom and Controversy

Thinking about some of the present controversies that are being experienced in major Christian denominations, I am even more enthralled with how Jesus handled the controversies of his day. Different groups were constantly trying to get him to agree with or oppose them so they could "cubby-hole" him.

It didn't matter if a particular group were conservatives (Pharisee's), moderates (Sadducees), or non-theological politicals (Herodians), He was able to respond to each situation without defensiveness and usually sent the particular questioner(s) away with the proverbial tail between the legs.

There are so many wonderful instances of these encounters to use for an example that it is hard to pick one. But my favorite is the encounter Jesus had with all three groups on the same day. The meeting is found in Matthew 22:15-45.

Three times they tried to trap him with loaded questions. Three times he answered in a way that they hadn't prepared for...beautiful. At the end of the dialog Jesus then asks them a question that if they answered "yes" or "no" to, they would have looked like fools. So they remained silent, skulked away, and renewed their fervor in planning to have him killed.

Today, I wonder how he would answer conservatives who asked, "What should we do about homosexual people in our churches?" How about moderate/liberals asking, "Surely taking a unborn child's life is the choice of the mother, isn't it?" Or even the question from the political, non-religious group, "Who's side are you on in the war against terrorism?"

I don't presume to know how he would answer. I do think that we would be surprised, angered, and/or embarrassed. Each of us would have to regroup - that's for sure. Jesus is like that - no allegiances to anyone but the rule and reign of God - the Kingdom.

That's why I want, and need, him to invade my life. I need that type of confrontation to my systems of belief. They always seem ironclad or at least make sense until they are exposed to real mercy, wisdom, and grace.

++help me God to ask the right questions, not ones that make my position look good - thank you that you will not be manipulated for my own purposes, even if I pretend that you are ++

WH

In The Fire

I have a friend who is going through a really hard time right now. Someone really encouraged her with an e-mail about what it's like to live with an addict. You can read it here - In The Fire - and also maybe drop her a note of encouragement.

Hang in there gal. You do have friends who care.

WH

Laptop Meltdown!!

Well, it was bound to happen. Especially following my rave for Apple yesterday concerning iTunes, iPod, etc. My trusted iBook laptop has started to give up the ghost. Specifically, the logic board is going bad.

Now, not all is lost. I have two other computers with which to work BUT they are in other rooms and aren't wireless. More importantly, I purchased the Applecare program that extends the coverage two years beyond the usual first year of warranty. In fact I got it two weeks ago in preparation for the expiration of year one at the end of November.

First indications of a problem started with the freezing of the computer requiring rebooting. Next, the really cool stuff - scattered horizontal lines and finally a blob like change of screen color that was like the ooze from some sci-fi flick.

Anyhow, my laptop will be in the shop for about two days. I am actually typing on it now hoping to finish this post before it goes wacky.

My next step is backing up stuff and finally saving some of the drafts for blogs that I have started.

I will continue to live dangerously over the weekend, using the unit without walking around the room, just to save me the pleasure of watching the cool lines and blobs of green and brwon color.

Moral of the story - Have a back up plan and on major electronic purchases get the extended warranty. Saved me from some huge depressing moments.

WH

Ok I'm A Total Geek

I must confess that I am a total fucking Mac geek. We have four Macs, 2 iPods, and all kinds of old Apple crap laying around the house.

So, no surprise that I am totally stoked about the ne stuff that Apple released today. Read here - Apple launches iTunes for Windows | CNET News.com

Actually, I am pretty amazed at a company that has been declared dead at least four times. Oh, a side note - if you had purchased Apple stock last year your investment would have doubled. $4.4 billion dollars in cash can keep you around for a long time.

Ok, I'll settle down.

WH

My Wife Is Free From Her IV

This past week my wife and I traveled to Columbia, SC to get her PFT (Pulmonary Function Test) results and find out how the latest clean out went.

I'm glad to report that her tests were improved enough to remove the IV line that was in her arm (for the non-squeamish it's like a piece of latex angel hair spaghetti in her vein). The doctor prescribed more oral antibiotics for the next 10 days, but that's nothing compared to the IV crap.

Yeah! More sleep for Jen. In fact she has so much energy that she's made two big meals the last two nights - fetticini alfredo last night for my birthday, and lasagna tonight. I'll be a fat as a tick soon:)

Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts.

WH

As A Little Child

This past weekend my wife and I went to a birthday party for her coworker's 2 year old son. It was an interesting scenario when we arrived - the only two year old at the party was birthday boy. The crowd consisted of his parents, grandparents, and assorted friends.

The most peculiar part of the afternoon, and the focus of this post, came when it was time to open the presents. There were a number of gifts for the little guy. Remember, this is his second birthday, he doesn't quite get the idea yet - at least the idea that WE think that he should get- so he's fairly unimpressed with all of the fuss.

One of the first gifts he opens was a plastic fire engine. This like a Fisher Price toy. Sturdy, lots of buttons that, when pushed, make noises, and those damn twist-ties that hold the toy to the cardboard so that...? What purpose do they serve anyway?

The little guy's eyes pop out. He is totally enamored by the toy. He starts riding on it, pushing the buttons, trying to pry the little men out of their seats (they are wired in with twist-ties too). A picture of total focus and satisfaction; happy as a pig in... well, you get the idea.

The problem was that the parents were trying to get him to open the other presents. He wanted nothing to do with any other gift. In fact, watching this fiasco, I was thinking "why does he have to open the other presents anyway?" Whatever the reason was, it had nothing to do with the child. Eventually, the fire truck had to be taken away from him so he would turn his attention to the other presents. After some effort on the part of his parents all of the presents were opened and he was able to return to playing with his fire truck again. Life was good.

As I reflected on this I realized that this is a picture of contentment, or lack thereof. Birthday boy doesn't yet have the mentality of looking past what he has to what he can obtain next - like we more mature folks have perfected. He was oblivious to the other gifts (though they were rightfully his) because he was intent on enjoying what he had in his hands.

What a lesson for many of us who are caught in a never ending pursuit of "whatever." I wonder how long it would have taken for him to eventually open all of the other gifts if he hadn't been prompted? Maybe days? Sadly, in a few years he may learn the ways of the discontented...looking for the next thing.

Until then, maybe he can be an inspiration for me to be content with what I already have - exploring life with intense wonder and curiosity.

Maybe that's part of what Jesus meant when he said that we should be "like a child?"

God, reignite child-like wonder, imagination, and curiosity in us all.


WH

Community Is Important

The following article ran last week in our local paper. Many of us can state that this is true based on our own personal experience. Broken Heart Can Cause Real Pain

WH

Justice in Jail

Some of you may not like this story, but having seen the damage of abuse over the years, I have to agree with the mother of the victim that it must have been damn therapeutic.

Child Molester Beaten By Past Victim

WH

National Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Week - October 12 -18th

On September 25, the U.S. Senate passed a resolution declaring October 12 - 18, 2003 as National Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Week. Thanks to the efforts of Sen. Ben Nighthorse Campbell of Colorado, who sponsored the resolution along with 19 cosponsors, the national spotlight has, once again, been placed on CF and the importance of supporting CF research and care programs. Here is a link - Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Week.

Maybe you could look at the suggestions and increase your awareness.

Thanks,

WH

My Hero...

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my wife is going through a "clean out" (or "tune up", depending on who you talk to) for her cystic fibrosis.

The first week was a bitch. Insomnia, soreness, etc. due to side effects from the medication. She takes heavy doses of antibiotics intravenously twice a day, while working part time, being a step-mother to two teenagers, and living with me (the real challenge). In other parts of the country, and in Europe, people are routinely admitted into the hospital for these treatments.

Her second week was better after a medication change. She starts her third week today. Yeah!! Thanks for your prayers and thoughts. Down the stretch we come...

My wife is my hero, and my best friend. I am most blessed.

WH

Distraction here at Home

I've been a bit remiss in posting to the blog for the past weekend as I am a sports freak. This past few days have been filled with great sports games - football, baseball, and soccer. This evening I am watching the Atlanta Braves hoping that they get into the next round of the playoffs.

I hope for a temporary return to sanity and blogging tomorrow - well, blogging at least.

WH

My Favorite Sport is at Risk

Today, October 1st, the National Do Not Call list goes into efffect. Damn. My favorite sport is at risk. You see, I like it when my caller ID says: Unavailable. My kids say, "Dad, pick it up, it's a telemarketer."

My goal, in this particular sport, is two-fold. One, to keep them one the line for a period of time, so they will not call others while engaged with me. Two, to get them to hang up.

Let me give you a few ideas to get you started.

1. Repeat everything the telemarketer says. This usually results in some general confusion, then the hang up.

2. Pretend, using some very broken English, that you don't understand the language and that you need a translator.

3. Take the counselor role. "How does it make you feel to have people hang up on you all day long?' Or "Does it bother you, deep inside, that you sell people things that they really don't need.

Some of my own experiences have been interesting.

One time I convinced the telemarketer that I had severe ADD and dyslexia and asked him to please read the information backwards - he did, while my wife, kids, and friends were listening on the muted speakerphone in the other room - rolling on the floor. After 15 minutes and two other telemarketers trying to help, the hang up came, with the promise to call back.

Another time, called by the State Police fundraisers, I placed my pinched thumb and forefinger up to my pursed lips, drew in a deep breath, and while holding my breath said, "Go ahead." Seconds later I exhaled slowly and loudly. You get the picture. "I'll call you later." Another hang up.

My hero is Tom Mabe. He has made a profession out of harassing telemarketers. Get the CD's if you like this stuff. He checked into a Washington D.C. hotel, where there was a Telemarketing convention, waited until 3 AM and started dialing room. This is great stuff.

Told you it was fun.

Anyway, there's the phone. Gotta go...

WH

Things That Go "Chirrrp" In The Night

"Chirrrp"

The sound first occurred in the middle of a dream. Isn't it incredible that you can dream around a noise that isn't really in your dream?

"Chirrrp"

My eyes were now wide open, staring at the clock radio. 4:40 AM.

"Chirrrp"

Actually, it's more like a "beep/chirp"

It's the frigging smoke detector. "Didn't I just change that battery?" Not much help at that moment in time to have those sort of dicussions with yourself. I get up, grab the flashlight, wander out of the bedroom, right under the offending intruder. Making my way through the living room I pass Cinnamon, our dog, looking at me from her crate, still laying on her side. Eyes are just slits. She's giving me that "This is different" look that only dogs can give when you break routine.

Focus...Get to the kitchen, take the last 9 volt battery out of the drawer, get the step ladder out of the garage and make my way back to the bedroom.

"Chirrrp".

"I hear you, you little bastard." I climb up, remove the battery and replace it. "Ahhh, that wasn't so bad." I fold the step ladder, wondering to myself why the batteries in smoke detectors only go bad early in the morning.

"Chirrrp"

"What the...Could that spare battery have been bad?" I walk over to the clock radio and remove the back-up battery that saves the time when the power goes out, climb back up, change batteries, climb down and walk back out through the living room to put the ladder away.

"Chirrrp"

"This can't be happening." The dog is now wide awake, standing in her crate. I let her out and put her in the back yard. Going back into the bedroom, I see my wife stirring. She's had a bad weekend in her treatment. Not much sleep. This really isn't a good night for the battery to go dead.

"Maybe, it's one of the other detectors", I think to myself. They are all tied into a main system that is hard wired to the main panel in the house. The batteries are just back up if the power goes off. Carrying the step ladder to the hallway in front of the kids room I remove the battery and replace it with the one originally from the kitchen. The old one is from when we moved into the new house two years ago. It isn't even alkaline. "That's it", I think triumphantly.

"Chirrrp"

The next minutes are a blur. I check the battery in my daughters (Jessie) room. It's fine. I go back to the master bedroom and inform my wife that she should go to Jessie's room as I have to turn the light on to deal with the problem. She stumbles out, groaning. I get back on the ladder, and check the battery, the old fashioned way, by touching it to my tongue. Buzzzt. Battery is good. It leaves that metallic taste in my mouth.

"Chirrrp"

I decide, in one final attempt, to just take the entire thing off of the ceiling. I take out the battery, twist the entire unit counter-clockwise, dropping it from it's place of annoyance. Using my Leathermans, I pry the connector from the back of the unit, placing it on the dresser. Down the ladder. Victory. Peace at last.

"Chirrrp"

"No fucking way!!" I stand in disbelief staring at the unit sitting on the dresser, holding the battery in my hand, thinking that I am in some "B" grade horror movie, "The Detector That Wouldn't Die". I walk back over to the dresser, about to take the hell-spawned piece of crap to the garage and throw it out, anywhere, as long as I didn't have to hear it again.

"Chirrrp"

I realize, in that one moment, that I am missing something. Finally, through the 5:00 AM fog in my head, as I look up and out through the bedroom door, I see the real problem. There is a small entryway to our bedroom. In this entryway is the intake for the A/C and heat, the thermostat, a light and the hatch to the attic. In this entryway, just above the doorway to the living room, is another smoke detector. Forgot about that one. It's not 2 feet away, just outside the door from the one in the bedroom that I had just taken down.

Climbing back up, I change the battery, climb back down and wait for the "chirrrp." It seemed like a long time....

No chirrrp. Silence. I still wait. After a few minutes, I get my wife and tell her she can go back to bed. The dog stays out in the back yard, and I turn out the lights and crawl back onto bed.

I look at the clock radio. 5:25 AM. I have to get up at 6:00 AM. Wasn't that fun?

I lie in bed wondering who was the person, or persons, responsible for creating that God-awful noise that smoke detectors make early in the morning. I mean, did they finally hear the noise after days of testing and say, "That is the most annoying noise we've ever heard, especially in the early morning, let's use it."

I would like to have a chat with that individual some day.

WH

A Child's Perspective on Grace

Just a short blurb. My son and I were standing at the front of the church one Sunday during worship. It must have been 13 or 14 years ago. We were singing to the song as the hand written transparency was projected on the screen.

This was a particular praise song that had the refrain "His grace is sufficient for me." I can't even remember the whole song right now.

At one point Jason was trying to say something, and being the little guy that he was, had to pull on my pant leg to get my attention. I picked him up and had him lean close to my ear so I could hear his voice over the music...

He said, "daddy, are you singing, 'His grace is fishing for me'?"

I stopped singing and thought..."No, but that's a better message than we are singing."

That's my boy...way beyond me. Hearing as a child.

Out of the mouths of babes. His grace is fishing. Wow.

WH

Wounded Healer - why the name?

The title for my blog comes from the title of a book by Henri J. M. Nouwen: The Wounded Healer.

Basically, the concept is that individuals, especially those in Christian ministry, must be vulnerable and honest with our own wounds in order to be effective healers.

The book strikes a blow to the professional aloofism (my own word I think) that many in ministry possess. People are hurting, and in order to help we must first acknowledge our own hurts and suffering. Then, as we heal,and move through the process of healing, we are of greater help to others.

The breakthroughs in my own life are examples of God's power and grace. Why would I be afraid to share them? Fear. Pride. Self-protection. All reasons, none sufficient.

I need others. And I need others to know me. Not the shell, but the core. I have found as we take the risk and get vulnerable healing CAN take place. To be sure, we can be hurt, betrayed, minimialized, etc. But, we must find community in the human condition where we can be ourselves and let others do the same. While at the same time being free to confront each others cultural addictions and failings without the defense mechanisms and bullshit that keeps us sick and unable to fulfill our dreams and desires - the very treasure that God has put in our hearts.

I have found that community in my church. When I left the ministry, I spent over a year working through the hurt and crap (still working through too). After that period of time I ( and my wife too) knew that the only way to get whole was in a community.

After all, the stuff in our heads can sound fine to us, but it may be total crap. We need others to help. Anyway, my standard for finding a church was a place where I could hear someone say "fuck" and "Jesus" in the same breath and be genuinely in love with God. My inspiration for this idea was Bono in the U2 Elevation concert that was taped in Boston, when he sings "Wake up Dead Man".

That way I could avoid the "posers" and "prophets" who scare the shit out of me. The ones who always have a word from God but no vulnerability. No transparency. No "limp".

Found one. The pastor is my friend and a fellow blogger - Hanson Carter. Our church is group of people just trying to move on in relationship with God and each other.

So, here I am. I drink beer. I cuss. I play cards. I'm fairly competitive, and I love God. And, the kicker, He loves me so much that I can hardly stand it, or understand it. In fact, Jesus is the most incredible person that I have ever met.

I am a wounded healer. So are you. We qualify. Any takers?

WH

PS - Today has been a particular difficult day for my wife as she goes though treatments for her cystic fibrosis. I think that I mentioned that I hate this fucking disease. If you pray, please pray. She hasn't been able to get much sleep this past week and is exhausted. Thanks.