I HATE PUTTING AWAY TREE DECORATIONS - IN FACT I HATE PUTTING AWAY ALL CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS.
I have decided that HELL for me would be setting up and taking down the Christmas Decorations at The Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC. I would rather have bamboo shoots driven under my fingernails. No, really.
We took down the tree yesterday, at my insistence - since Jen would keep it up until Easter if she could. We are having some friends over for a Murder Mystery Party tonight and needed the space in the living room. At least that was the absolute best excuse that I could come up with. She bit, I mean agreed, to take it down.
Without going into a lot of detail you instinctively know the horticulture of the Christmas tree - you cut it off at ground level and it starts dying at that minute. They truck it in from whatever place in North Carolina they cut it from and set it up in a lot for you to look at and "oh and ah" during the selection process. You bring it in the house, hang all sorts of things all over it, and, as it dies over the next weeks, it throws needles everywhere.
The best part is that you wrap lights strung together, that are 150 feet in total length, around the tree so that when you unwrap the lights more of the little dry needles get flung all over the house. Same thing goes for ornaments and such. Easy on. Messy off.
OK. I admit that I'm a little OCD. I like things neat and orderly and hate messiness. BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH. I have seriously considered getting a "fake" tree. Notice I said "I". Jen will have nothing of it. "Fake trees are for OLD PEOPLE." she says.
(Side note - her parents got a fake tree ordered and delivered this year for next years Christmas)
The logic in "Jen's World" goes like this;
A = Fake trees are for old people (like my parents).
B = Pete wants a fake tree.
C= I (Jen) can't be married to an old person. That would be creepy.
D = Pete can't have a fake tree.
E through Z = NO FAKE TREE.
I'm screwed.
Back to the point - sort of. I have a ritual for getting the offending, needle throwing tree out of the house with as little damage and mess as possible. Feel free to use this process if you want. I place a tarp next to the tree, after the decorations are off (and more needles are now all over the floor).
- Get your garden pruning shears - I use hand shears and the longer "branch loppers"
- Cut the branches off one by one and lay them on the tarp.
- Once the tarp is full gather the corners and take the tarp outside and dump accordingly.
- Repeat as needed.
All griping and whining aside. We packed all the decorations and I have put all but one storage tub back in the attic (since we always find an overlooked decoration in the house AFTER I put everything up in the attic - one year, it was March before we found the last ornament - sad.)
The really fun part is that next year we get to do it all over again - oh boy!!
My only chance out of this "cycle of torture" is that Jen's parents decide that the FAKE tree that they bought is too heavy (it took two FedEx workers to carry it to the front door - 56 pounds worth) and too much trouble to fluff and set up. Then they may give it to us. I'm already planning, and praying.
Oh yeah, don't tell Jen.
WH
